Topic:   In an age where electronics are everywhere and the need to be stimulated has seemingly increased, has this hurt our kids? If yes, how so and what do you think are some effective ways to repair the damage if any?



Recently, I ran across an article online  written about a dinner game called the cell phone stack game.  The point of the game is for everyone to stack their cell phone in the middle of the dinner table as they sit down.  You are not allowed to reach for your phone during dinner.  The person that does reach for their phone (before the check is taken care of) then has to pay for dinner for the entire table.  The goal of the game is to force people to put their cell phones down.   Now honestly, I thought this was the most ridiculous game EVER, until I paid attention to myself and a group of my girl friends while at a party.  We sat in a room together, talked and ate for HOURS, but there was no point and time where one of us didn't have a phone in our hands.  And then it dawned on me, our phones have taken over our lives.  The bad habit of allowing the world to have access to our time, all the time, has created some new issues, not only in the lives of our children, but in our own as well.

    So how do we correct the issues that have risen out of the joy of unending connectivity?  Well here are a few things:

1) Do as you say. It is amazing how much we tell children to "get off of the phone (or Facebook) and be productive (or go outside and play)", but how many times are we getting off of the phone or internet to be productive?  9 times out of 10, NEVER.  We are on the phones in the car, checking email walking to the building, and checking Facebook, Twitter, or Instagram in the grocery store.  Children learn by example.  If they constantly see you on the phone, what do you think they will perceive as normal!?!  Do as you say and they will follow.

2) Take the time out to set boundaries for technology use.  Give yourself and your family the gift and a technology free dinner.  Now you may have to remind your family, or yourself, that you will not perish during the hour and a half of dinner.  The world will continue to rotate on its axis, and issues that come up, can wait.  This is not just about the outside world.  Times, like family dinners and car rides, are when children learn how to properly communicate with others.  As a parent, you are their primary educator on life skills.  If they only see you  on the phone from the time you wake up until bedtime, then that is exactly what they will mimic.  You must take the time to set boundaries on when it is appropriate, or not, to use technology. 

3) Find activities both adults and children can enjoy . So many times children refuse to go play or participate in activities because they are uninterested.  Take some time to talk to your child.  Find out what they are interested in.  EXPOSE THEM TO LIFE and all of the beautiful sights, sounds, and cultures living around us.  Getting kids involved with things they love allows them to open up and grow, while also allowing them the opportunity to meet other children (and you, other parents) in which you all have something in common. 

5) Let's get real!  The reality is that we (adults) defend the use of chidren's cell phone many times because we don't want to be judged for our own constant usage or for using technology as a distraction while we attend to other life duties.  Things come up, and iPads are a great distraction for children, but there must be a time where you PUT THE PHONE (or tablet)  DOWN!  That emergency you HAVE to take, will either be there when you get done with dinner or an outing, OR the adult at the other end of the line will FIGURE IT OUT!  Seriously, how many times have you accidentally left your phone at home and when you returned to retrieve it found 3 messages:  1) shear panic over an issue, 2) the "why aren't you answering" message, 3) the "No worries, we figured it out" message.  You are NOT the savior of the universe.  When forced to, people will resolve issues whether you are available or not.  Its all about balance.


    In the end, lets not only talk about the effects of technology on children, and look at all of our lives honestly.  We have all become dependent on technology.  It's always at our reach and the moment it is not we all have a panic attack (yes me included).  Take a moment away to rest, refresh, and just hang out with people in person.  Face to face conversations boost our creativity and allow us to release emotionally.  Spending time with children and showing them the proper time and place for technology will begin to help mend the gap we have created.  What are some things you can do to step away from technology for a while?  How have you tamed the use of your technology in the past?  As always, I want to hear from you.  Comment, like, and share below :)  

Topic/Question:  Why do we not talk about the sin of homosexuality in church anymore?


OHHHHH I've been waiting on this question!  Now for those of you that already have your jaws clinched and your stomachs in knots, I just need you to

    So before we broach the topic of why  we avoid talking about homosexuality in church, can we first ask the question, do you want to talk or preach/condemn?  Now that may seem like an odd question, but think about it from where I'm standing.  I work with students that are able to have an intelligent conversation about politics, school, social issues, and their futures.  If I invite them to talk about a topic, I am giving them space to voice their opinions (whether I agree or not) and have a conversation about the topic from the social implications to the biblical implications.  Never in that conversation would I begin to monopolize the conversation to push my opinion onto them.  I give them the biblical principles I have learn, encourage them to read it for themselves, and gain an understanding.  After that, they know I am always there to talk.  With that in mind, I also will not allow someone to push their agenda while talking to me.  If we are going to talk, let's talk.  Meaning, we need to both listen and respond appropriately and make sure that there is a clear message being transmitted. 

    Now, one issue I believe we face in today's church is that we talk about so many things that are comfortable, and that will not cause a stir or start a debate.  I think the fear is that some don't want to be classified as zealots, bigots, or homophobic radicals.  I have seen, and been a part of conversations, that went from friendly to deadly, when homosexuality was introduced as a topic.  One person, in particular, classified me as a "manipulative holy roller", which was interesting because I was only asking questions to understand their viewpoint in the conversation.  I've also gotten that I'm too liberal by trying to understand another person's viewpoint on the topic.  What I found is that our society is based on an "I'm always right" principle, when in reality, my compass always comes back to my bible.  Even when I'm wrong, the bible is the mirror that shows me the reality of myself and my surroundings.

     I also think there are a group of people who truly don't know how to handle the conversation.  They are aware of their beliefs, but they are not willing or able to sit down and have a conversation about homosexuality or any other topic that have been classified as sin.    The uncomfortable nature of the topic sends them into a tailspin of silence.  It makes me wonder if the opportunity was given to have an open and honest conversation, without judgement, if they would be able to do so. 

    What I have learned by reading my bible is that your approach is everything!  The example I love of Jesus approaching someone that he determined was living in sin is the woman at the well.  He didn't approach her throwing stones.  He sat at the well with her and had a conversation.  In the course of the conversation, she voice her reality "I don't have a husband", and he in loving kindness let her know that she was right.  He listed how many she had prior to the one she was with (that wasn't her husband), but NEVER have I read that in a yelling, angry, or demeaning manner.  He stated facts, and moved on.  His love, honesty, and willingness to talk to her (even though the law said he shouldn't) drew her in and allowed him to minister.

    With that in mind, I'll end with this.  As believers, we are instructed to love others as we would love ourselves.  When we approach topics like homosexuality in the church, I begin to wonder "do you even like/love yourself?"  The manner in which you approach others should mimic the manner in which you would like to be approached.  I don't feel we think about that often enough before addressing each other.  How many positive, life changing conversations could we have if we approached each other the way we would like to be approached?  How much more could we say and demonstrate God's love for all if we just followed the command which is to love.  You won't slap someone in the face that you love because you disagree, but you will correct them and give them appropriate information...why?  BECAUSE YOU LOVE THEM.   So why do you all think we don't talk about homosexuality in the church?  More importantly, why is this a conversation that must remain in the confines of the church?  Can I talk about it over lunch at Subway with a friend that may hold a different opinion than my own?  Let me hear from you!

Question: How do you push through storms and rain in life?
    So one night I decided to head to my parents house, which is about two and a half hours from my own home.  I just felt like seeing them, so I packed up and off I went.  The drive was going great until about half way through the commute.  I hit a storm so heavy that I considered pulling over at a gas station and waiting it out.  I'm talking about heavy rain and high winds, but before I made the decision to stop and wait I checked my radar.  What I suspected was the storm was moving in the same direction I was, and if I stopped I would meet it again on down the road.  At some point I was going to have to go through it. 

    To get through the storm, you must first realize you are going through a storm.  Storms have time constraints on them.  They never last forever.  With that in mind, it's great you've realized you're in a storm because there are people that can't even do that. They feel as if this is their life, and things will never change.   Now you have to focus on creating a game plan to get through it, while also learning and growing from it.  Sometimes, in rain, you have to pull over, take a look at your surroundings, and figure out a plan on how to make it through.  Focusing on the negatives of the trial, like the strength of the winds,  won't help you conquer the storms of life.  So begin to look at how it can make you stronger and better.  And then focus on working through it. 

    You must keep in mind that we all face storms and rain in our lives.  No one is exempt!  Sometimes we are able to face it with people, but other times its a road we are traveling alone.  Storms can be frightening and unpredictable, but the reality is you have a guide, kind of like my radar, to tell you how to navigate through even the toughest of storms.  Through life's storms I've found myself praying harder than I've ever prayed before.  With prayer I have received direction, guidance, and peace from the most random of places.  I mean hugs from little kids to wisdom from random people just sitting next to me in a restaurant.  You have access to the Master of the ship, so why not take advantage of your proximity to the person guiding the ship.  You have a radar to get you through the storm. Now use it!

    Finally, don't forget the fact you aren't in this alone.  Isolation always seems to make your situation seem more painful and unbearable.  Sometimes things seem more difficult to conquer when the issue is just floating around in your head.  I've found it to be helpful when I can talk it out with my parents, family, friends, or even a counselor.  The issue becomes so much easier to handle when it is outside of the confines of my mind.  And many times those around me can give me a different outlook on the storm.  With a simple change in perspective and the ability to vent my frustrations, I am free to then come up with a game plan. 

    As I  reviewed of my radar it showed me that one way or another I had to find my way through the storm.  It was indeed moving in the same direction I was.  I had to cross through it at some point, and no time seemed better than the present.  And when I arrived at my parents home, that slow journey through the storm was worth it! Not only did I arrive to receive love, hugs, and tons of food (lol), but I arrived stronger because then I was aware that if I needed to, I could drive through heavy storms.  You've got what it takes to travel through the storm!  Just keep moving!

    Yup!  That's the topic.  Oh don't get all squeamish now!  LOL!  It never fails, someone brings up sex around a group of single Christians and its like a cemetery...pure SILENCE! 

    I grew up in a time (I sound so elderly saying that) when we were told "don't have sex outside of marriage", which was a grand concept!  The issue was, NO ONE TOLD ME WHAT TO DO WITH THE NATURAL FEELINGS I WOULD HAVE WHEN DATING A YOUNG MAN!  Now I know you are so holy that you've never had feelings.  You are  happy with Jesus and Him alone, but outside of that alternate universe you've created in your head, the rest of us are in a battle! 

    Not only were we not given instructions, or warnings, about our feelings, I realized that a lot of the "save yourself" talks were happening with the girls and not so much with the boys. 

    How the heck does that even work!?! I mean, it does take two of us to make things happen, so how am I suppose to SINGLE HANDEDLY take on the responsibility of waiting.....no rush, I'll wait....

    Alright, I'm back.  In reality, our society has based a lot of its media, promotion, and status on physical appearance, sex, and wealth.  So how do you maneuver through a single Christian lifestyle in a world that places significant value on sex prior to marriage.  (And yes that has become a significant value.  I have heard men and women state they REFUSE to marry someone until they know they are sexually  compatible.  But that's another blog altogether.)  I don't claim to have all the answers, and I'm aware that things happen, children are had, and some are recommitting to a life of no sex before marriage.  So with that knowledge, whether you've held it together forever OR you've made up in your mind that the next time you have sex, you will be married, here are some things I've found to be helpful:

1) Find a group of friends that will hold you accountable and that you can be honest with about your feelings.  I have THE BEST group of friends (and some family members).  I'm talking about a group of ladies that I can call when I'm getting ready to make a dumb decision in life.  They will take the time to help me weigh the pros and cons, encourage me to do what's right, and tell me when I'm being completely stupid!  No seriously, they are good for saying "that's dumb!" LOL!  After I get out of my feelings, I'm typically very appreciative.  The key to these relationships is that I am ALLOWED to be honest.  They hear the good, bad, and foolish of my mind.  I don't feel judged, but appreciated for being honest about what I'm struggling with (because believe it or not, we are all struggling with something).  With that being said, realize in order to have true accountability you must be truthful, open, and honest about the things going on in your heart and mind. 

2) Be careful and aware of the things (and people) you listen to as well as the things you watch.  One MAJOR lesson I learned a few years ago was the thoughts you meditate on turn into action and words.  For example: When Beyonce's "Grown Woman" dropped a while ago, I had it on repeat!  Between the lyrics and the vibe of the track it changes the way that you walk, talk, and  your posture.  It's the empowerment I began to rehearse that "she's right, I AM a grown woman!"  In that same vein, when you are watching shows, listening to music, and talking about nothing but sex, what exactly do you THINK is going to happen.  What's in you will eventually come out. 

3) Realize that sex  can complicate things in even the best situation.  Sex will not fix a broken relationship.  As a single person, you hold the strongest hand EVER!  You aren't married, so as the relationship progresses and you begin to see issues that you can't deal with you know to make the decision to leave or just be friends.  HOWEVER, when you throw sex into the mix, you might have a second thought based on the attachment that has been made.  The decision isn't impossible to make, but it is harder.  Why put yourself in that position? 

4) FOR PARENTS/ADULTS:  STOP PUTTING AN EMPHASIS ON THE MESSAGE OF SAVING YOURSELF ONTO GIRLS ALONE!  Since it takes two to have sex, two need to be addressed with not only the message of purity, but the talk of consequences and responsibilities of making the adult decision to consummate a relationship outside of marriage.  

And finally:

5) Let's get real with each other.  Stop walking around like sex is a death topic; if you talk about it, you turn into a pillar of salt!  There are people trying to make it to Jesus, struggling with something like sex.  And here you are, appearing to be too holy to have a conversation that might address the issue.  But addressing it may help the person understand that they aren't alone in the struggle, while also giving them an outlet to be honest!!! GET REAL!  It's 2014 and there are too many consequences to covering up a topic sex.  It is beyond necessary that we talk about it.  People are creating unhealthy attachments and contracting fatal diseases while we are sitting in our Sunday white, pretending like this issue doesn't need to be addressed. 

    The time has come for more open and honest conversation about the process of being single and working towards waiting for sex until marriage (whether you are a virgin or you are abstaining).  Let me know your thoughts.  If you've abstained completely, or decided that after having sex that you now want to abstain, how are you doing it?  What are your views on being Christian, single, and sex? 

How do you break up with a friend?


I feel like I keep getting handed these loaded guns, but lets tackle this all to real issue together, mmkay?   So you have a friend you no longer want to call a friend.  They betrayed you, lied to you, you all may have grown apart, or they ate the last of your cotton candy?  WHAT!?!  Cotton Candy is a HUGE reason for the demise of a friendship...LOL!  Anywhoo, for some reason you want to bring a close to the friendship, and that's your prerogative.  However, how do you walk away?

    My first two concerns are does your friend know you are bringing the friendship to a close AND do they know why?  Many times we think its easier to just disappear, and while it is for you, the other party is left to ponder if its really over and why.  If you are brave enough to cut the ties of the relationship, be brave and respectful enough to let your former friend know that yes its over and the reason as to why.  There is nothing worse than walking around with a broken friendship, and not knowing its broken or understanding what happened to cause the demise. 

    My third concern is to make sure you are not making this decision while in an overly emotional state.  It is so easy in a temporary fit of anger for us to make permanent decisions.  This decisions are not typically sound, and can cause more harm than good.  Take a night to sleep on the decision to dissolve a friendship.  If you wake up in the morning and issue still rubs you wrong, then proceed.  The goal at the end of the day is to bring the friendship to a peaceful end, unless you are mean and hateful.  But that's a completely separate blog!

    When you approach your friend, expect some resistance.  A real friend is not willing to just let go of a friendship that has been developed with time and care.  This is the time to remain calm, and voice the issues you see in a non-blaming fashion. Don't start the conversation with "this is what bothers me about you!" You wouldn't want to hear it and neither does your friend! Once the issues have been voiced, they have two options, address them or let it dissolve.  With that being said, please keep in mind that you are NOT perfect.  Your friend may have some issues with you...gasp!  Imagine that!!!! NEWSFLASH:
   

   

    Truly it is fine that you are not perfect, however you must be receptive to CONSTRUCTIVE criticism.  These are the conversations that make you a stronger, better person.  If you know what your friend states is true, then take it and improve.  If they hit you with a "you suck ANDDDD you're ANNOYING" (and you know that's not true) move on.  State your peace, allow your friend to state their peace, and move forward in peace.  This is not the time to have a knockdown, drag-out fight if the friendship is truly over. 
   
    Hopefully your end goal is to find a kind and peaceful resolution (whether you end it or not) to your friendship.  If you can keeps these things in mind while also voicing how you feel, you should be able to reach that goal.  In the end, do not hang on to something or someone out of pure comfort.  If you know within yourself that its time to break the friendship off, then cut the ties in a constructive manner and move forward knowing you have done all you could in the friendship. 

So if you haven’t already heard, I’ve decided to cover 30 topics in 30 days here on Transparency’s Stage.  WHY, you may ask?  Well for a couple of different reasons.  First, I need to become a more consistent in postings, and I think this will be the jump start I need.  Second, and MOST important, I’ve had a rough couple of months.  Between family illness, working two jobs, helping to close one of them down, and learning to do another by myself, my writing began to wane and die. 

While I’m thankful for all of the transitions happening in my life, I want to reach December 31, 2014 knowing that, without a shadow of a doubt, I pushed a significant part of the purpose I’ve been given out.  I want to make a positive, empowering, edifying impact of the world in which I live. 

Now with these writings you will get posts which are beyond serious current event topics, pop culture issues, the MOST random topics (my friends are amazing for the randomness), religion and spirituality, and personal life questions.  Feel free to leave me a topic at any time to write on.  As you send them I will continue to write them! At the end of the day, I hope these blogs encourage healthy and respectful conversations about issues that concern us all, and also infuse some humor (because I’m a closet jokester).  So sit back, get your reading glasses and beverage, and let’s have a conversation or 30!   I’m excited about this journey and appreciate you taking it with me.  Now to see where it takes us….  I hope you’re ready :)